I want to be unable to sleep, running far in distance, gaining strength with each step. I want to be strong - don't we all wish for strength. I want to feel rain, to taste green.
Walking in a fog of perception, how I perceive what is real. Tongues tied into knots and ice paved diamond in hand, like a greenhouse. What does it take to make it to the top?
I walk toward you, I don't know where to find you. It's not that you're lost; you're simply too far away and it's simply too dark wherever I go.
Once I reach you, I rest my nose on your back. I smell your skin and I hear you, feel you stir, softly inhaling a deeper breath. Still standing, I bite my lip. I can't stop my eyes from tearing. I've somehow lost that ability; you must have stripped that away from me, how you cleanse me of my natural defense mechanisms.
I'm a master at dismissals. No need for concern, sir. It's just a sigh, nothing more. Castles built and burnt. How it must be to know I'm emperor.
I wanted to take you in, there, that moment, nose against skin. I wanted to absolutely fall apart, like shortbread dough, sandy and crumbled. I wanted you to know I was there and know why I was there and understand what was required. I wanted you to feel how I felt, if only for a moment, because I need you to understand this, that I don't have words to explain what this is...what this holds.
You stirred, softly inhaling a deeper breath. I straightened myself and suppressed my chaos and walked away from you. I took my clothes off and stood there, water fading behind me and thoughts melting before me. Considering the absolute insignificance of blackberries. And just how foolish I am. How foolish I've always been - how foolish I'll always be.
Feeling insignificant and foolish and heavy. My ignorance weighs on me.
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