Self demolition

Ideas, the tigers chasing, coming through like wet newspaper.

There is smooth sailing, I'm busy keeping after lighthouses. Long hair, braids. She had her doll with her that day. Tucking her into the sand. I say the day after tomorrow, you know these things will change. In a house, into cupboards, security in warmth. Coverage. The grass is green here, denim acceptable.

Hummingbirds depart from my hands as I open my heart. Across the land, I lose myself, granted, there isn't much left to lose.

She creates beautiful works of art. She paints her world in a wide array of colors..she paints in watercolor, acrylic, tempera. She smiles and light radiates around her. She is truly an angel. She gives as much as she is able to give, which is inevitably everything she is.

Days go, and she feels as though she has nothing left to give. She feels unbearably empty. She feels alone. Consider her considerations, consider that time away from herself.

She wants quality. Holding breath walking past formed leather, nothing that really matters. Blossoms perfected in a vase daily, everywhere. Gardens and trellises and greenhouses, bonsai, pillars, studio. Curtains, wood solid and sandals with painted toes.

Pretty in church, strychnine sunflower sundress, saying hello, all smiles, to demons. Dangerous to those who know her. She fires back with venom. All it takes sometimes is a single drop of blood to turn her world backward.

Maybe if she was forced in backward bloodless. If she knew the truth from the inside out. There are layers here she is unable to reach. Without that access, that proper knowledge, she can't comprehend. It leaves her without words, leaves her in spite.

Take this advice, however worthy deemed, those careless words spread about...take words and hold them underwater. Hold it beneath the surface, where it struggles against the intense pressure to resist the need to inhale. Make her numb, sensation-less to your vitriol, that bite. Vile personality.

I'm losing magic. He's taking respect. You create those worlds for yourself, create your gods. I might be considered brave, withstanding. But I crack under pressure, as though made from some poor quality clay pottery, earth and water stirred together and packaged, on shelf for sale.

Fine to go off on your own. Yes, because that's your view, celebrations, solo. Dancing through raindrops that burn into sparks, magnesium and titanium, blazing into my flesh like a fire tattoo, branding. Come back to me. I'm unable to create your kind of fire in this kind of downpour.

She'll stop leaving her. Maybe you'll stop desiring altered realities, crashing parties. Selling your love for free. Sailors and bakers, finding a line...captain maintains composure. She picks up, no, love, darling, he isn't here. I'm sorry. (sorry?) There is no one here, and you're left all alone.

Take this temple then, bow before her. Trust can be compromised, quick with a convincing smile, all is made well again. On your way out my door, you're always going to be better than me. You're always going to be correct. I'll be back around, you think I need you. I need you like I need a war.

Indiscriminate lovers, they don't see their destruction. He so willing to take her hand. We can't stop that car parked. This time it goes on and I'm an eager bystander. I'll keep the space ship running; we are about to do seafood linguine and lemon meringue. Grapefruit at seven, wine tonight.

Finding a baby blue heart made from chain links, attached, but I'm unable to find what piece to which it was attached. I couldn't cut it free; free like baby pink balloons shattering before me, unable to recover pieces, just out of reach. I hold hearts, but I couldn't let it go.

If we could travel away, galaxies from here, would you come along? Do you realize where light goes? If I can hold on...if I could just hold on.

What I do need, glitter, sequins, sparkle in gold. I need light. Lipgloss in ethereal and outer space. I need information. Knowledge. Flames. Hollow heart. Do you see how far I have run? Stories in blood, sulfur. Concocting my own personal libraries of accessible entities. She'll always love him, he'll always take advantage of that. Boys who crush girls and set wildfires. Today, tomorrow, for centuries.

'you said, even in death, you would find me'