vile honey

I'm watching what my wrist wraps around. I'm calling out for my vicious take, slice of sugar. Sweet, such sweet meat. A quick walk down the street, where you sometimes crossed my mind. I'm not up for accompanying takers, sneaking by into somewhere unknown, across the flesh, into body, fingertips, shudders through me. I feel your eyes; I feel your you.

Brave.

Here you are, holding on, eyes closed. Keeping her here, you are, simply within walls. Desires and freedom can't be here when I'm listening, losing myself. I can't feel the big picture.

I want to be hidden, cloaked, hiding within her walls. Masked by a blur of confusion. I want my bottle of whirlwinds kept aside, let me keep coming on. Make me myself again.

Say that I'm different. I speak from a different time, different frequency, just one more light, one more drink to take me away, to take my hands, take my tongue, take my passage and keep me held.

Give me somewhere dark and damp and cold to touch, covered in mosses and fungi, breathing in green life and black decomposition. Let me curl up under the spindles and axles. Reaction of burning stake plunged into flesh. Walking on shale, flakes to dust under six inch Pradas. Something is not right with this. I feel uneasy.

They whisper - dive in deeper, sweet girl. Get it in deep.

My nose crunches and my back arches. I don't know how much I want to get in deep. I don't know if I want to self-mutilate, removing fingernails, skinning, branding. I see the movement of shadows out of the corner of my eye, though I try to fixate on destinations in the distance. I'm not moving closer, and my horizon is fading to the sunset. On a verge, perfection.

I just want to be beautiful. Cinnamon swirl.

I'm gonna line up my girls, my own army, and we are going to dismantle this, destroy and sever. We're gonna need some time. I'm gonna need to feel past this disillusion. I'm gonna need to get me out of our way.

You say beyond this place, outside of here. That local is so vast, endless. You're gonna look me up.

Time.

It's minutes and hours...days......years....................centuries, I said to you - so it's only been a couple of thousand years and I've been around the universe, spelling out infinities...where have you been?

You respond, I don't know, maybe you were having a coffee. And I'm like - well, fuck. You know, because I'm never able to understand you. Now we speak in numbers; I get the numbers because I build my own spirituality and, just wait...I'll burn it down.

I'll close my eyes and I won't dream. I won't dream of love and happiness. I won't dream of flowers and sunshine and rainbows. I won't even remember falling asleep.