whisper her name

Hide my head, beneath waves, breaking. Sometimes no one knows how scary this can be, stirring fears, blending into the background. The words that are left unspoken are the loudest of all. All of my thoughts tell the world my stories, through vibrations.

Always a production, character in scene, I'm playing into their hands. Frozen to blankets, unable to lift kite flying.

Orange bleeding into red and her interior design wars fashion a bloodbath. Bitter tongue slinging sugar...

If I had her, she would be Violet, I'd call her Violet.
Sugar, sweet love, softly.

I'll knit mittens, cotton, lovingly. I'll look at you from across the way and if there is a fire, and if it's perfection, if it's wherever it is supposed to be. I don't do the trust wrapped in basket role. It just never was enough for you.

It is never enough when you want my world wrapped snugly around you like woolen mittens. You know it won't be enough when I give what I have to someone else. It isn't enough that you walked into the world where I have nothing left over to give you; I've given out. Taking through the woods, taking the easy way.

There is nothing left but blood, running. Singing sweet lullabies. Finding my way, swimming through grasses, setting fires, creating tidal waves. Beauty escapes me. I can't find me. Stepping up, heel catches ledge, and I'm tumbling, tumbling, again, down.

Nobody knows what happens, nobody explains, nobody shows the way. Research and technology, and still I'm left without explanation. He just leaves me, clinging on. Still, curled up within my heart, and I can't clutch him because he's slipping through my hands, he's just dust, they made him just dust. Demolished and suctioned and I don't think I can scream loud enough, I don't think anyone is listening. And I'm looking into her eyes and she's telling her to put me out. And I don't want to be out because I want to FEEL the words written on my hand, the first words I wrote on my hand, love letter to a boy, my boy.

I thought I could be enough for him, and I though I was better than the girl I should have been and I lost them all. I lost him, I lost the girl I was better than and I lost myself. Just give me one day, a ten minute conversation, and I can lose everything.

I'm digging heels in deep. Sure you can, because I know you can. She showed me you can and so I know you can. You come from the sun, you come from the light, you come from this beautiful place. You take in the jasmine and the lavender, you take in that violet. Breathe this in, sugar cane. Because you know it won't last long, it never lasts long, and sometimes, love, the delicious pieces just never seem to last long enough.