Don't be afraid

Feeling on the edge, just threatening to tip over head first. Weighed with the thought of you - what you wanted to be. What you had always promised through suggestion. Power of suggestion, of provocation, of perception.

Perhaps I made a move unexpected - perhaps you were just a little to occupied - perhaps somewhere beneath all of the lace and lime I forgot how to take it off, to get off of it. There you go again, sword in hand, feeling all man.

I feel like I'm missing something - like I'm out in the cold. Trying to piece the puzzle together and it's as though I lost the other half. Just a little bit of moisture, just a little bit of trust, a little bit of tongue.

Flashbacks and nightmares....True fear envelopes my heart and shocks me cold. Taken aback, revisit the dreaded walks at 3:30 in the morning, through the endless empty corridors. Sterile. I fear that regression - that one older than this one. He'll come before her and you'll never know, she said - you'll just never know.

And so now you pray. On the edge of your tongue, to whatever gods you can find, to whomever will listen. Because now, at this point, those who failed you, you want to fall into their good graces, if you could only be graceful, friend to the church, legs crossed, closed toe and have another button buttoned, tied tight. Just wrap her up in perfection, please because she can't take one more breath without understanding why she had to fall quite so far.

So now I pray. Waiting for an answer that never comes, never will come. I breeze through my own responses, my own ideas of what happened - transpired - following these events. Kicking and screaming and crying through my own ideas. So I laugh. I laugh because there is nothing more I can do.

So now let's laugh. Let's pray.