I'm confused because I know her name. She just got married. And I'm looking at her engagement pictures before, and I was looking at her wedding pictures again today. It was a unique Texas wedding, and, of course, all of the pretty girls are in the pictures, save one, and I'm not quite sure why that was. Texas wedding and she's wearing this pretty short ruffled white dress, not a traditional wedding dress at all. And they are in a barn, dancing. Then, scrolling through these pics, there is a very out of place wedding picture of the girl in a very traditional wedding dress and another man.
So I was confused. I clicked on the pic, to the guy's profile. And the girl had posted how she missed him. Scrolling down, people were posting on his wall the good times they used to have together, the guy is now dead. So I kept going and reading more posts, the girl kept saying how she's always going to love him, and she feels him sometimes and that she hears him laughing at her.
It was so eerie seeing his final post, around Christmas of 2009, maybe something about the Super Bowl, then seeing the RIP messages on January 1st.
On my own flip side, I don't know how to remarry after something like that, a year later. I'm not judging her in the least, but for me, I can't imagine having that experience and falling in love to marriage within a year or so. That's tough.
I'm learning about this and I'm trying really hard to not cry. I'm trying to find out what happened to him, but nothing was posted. I'm just there, thinking about you and Maddie. You're never very far away. I know that you love Maddie and me more than life itself. I'm thinking about how short life can be.
The girl is telling him that she is so grateful of the time they were able to spend together before he left this place and that she knows he's awaiting her arrival. What grace...!
I'm so ungrateful and selfish. My little Jac lost the love of her life and it doesn't matter that I think she deserves a handsome knight in shining armour, he was that guy for her. I want her to close that circle and make it complete.
The trouble comes when these boys love themselves more than they love the girls they are around. I think that's what happened to Jac. I know that's my ex.
And I'm thinking about you and Maddie and fireflies. I've been shedding my shell, if you haven't noticed. I let me miss you, let you miss me. I wanna be with you and Maddie and fireflies. I wanna hold you next to me and I don't want to underestimate every moment we have together. I wanna let go.
I knew from the moment you brush my hair out of my face when I was lying next to you for the first time that you were going to love me. I tried so hard to stop that from happening. But your is much to strong for these strange whims of mine. You love hard and unrelenting. I wanted you to not love me because I couldn't have you. I still can't have you.
There is this love, this love that I believe is brilliant rays of light. This kind of love has tangible value. I see souls as light. These light forms exist without regard to life and time and it is pure energy. Energy that exists like this doesn't fade, doesn't cease to exist. It travels.
You love me in such pure light, it's unlike anything I've ever felt before. It's heaven. I know you'll find me. Here or there, you're gonna find me.
Fine. You love me like that. You kiss me like you do. You tell me you're proud to be with me. You hold me against you.
I'm afraid to love because I can't have you and I fear you leaving me. I don't wanna get in too deep.
But I'll go deep and I'll take you in because I want to stop fearing your white light love. I don't want the Super Bowl then New Years.
Because I simply don't want to live without you.
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